Artillery

We were discussing about freedom and imprisonment in our documentary class today. Someone said that being imprisoned doesn’t have to be in the confines of a cell, a mental institution or in a room. Sometimes, imprisonment happens with the self.

And this is true.

I feel like I am always in battle with my self. I always write about this here because it’s a thought that can never escape my head. I’m weighing myself down. I am holding myself back. There’s a war inside of me. Everyday, nuclear bombs are dropped, artilleries are fired and casualties pile up. It’s a never-ending battle where everyone is on the losing side. My sickness is my self.

If only I can get rid of that area of my brain, or that chemical in my system that produces fear. Would I be a happier then?

My fears have ultimately worn me out.

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“The boy felt jealous of the freedom of the wind, and saw that he could have the same freedom. There was nothing to hold him back except himself.” (Coelho, The Alchemist)