0120 PM, Empty apartment

This morning, I have just finished reading Perks and I feel awful for everything I wrote in the post script of my previous entry. To everyone who dearly love Charlie, I’m sorry for questioning his emotional outburts when I didn’t even know his entire story gave him every reason to (I was on page 178). I know it’s just a book and it shouldn’t be a big deal, but to me it is. And I believe that’s what books are for, to make the reader realize things. And I did. 

Perhaps I found the character of Charlie to be unbelievable because he was someone I have never been. I can never be as transparent with my weaknesses as Charlie was. I cannot get myself to experience half of the things he has allowed himself to feel. It’s because even with myself, I tend to shut any hint of vulnerability by putting my walls up. But I guess that’s just how some people deal with it. And to me, I can live with that. Until the right person walks in and tells me it’s okay to let my guard down, I will remain disjointed from the in-between feelings I don’t need to feel right now.